/u/[deleted]'s posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

Year:

Only show posts with narrations

So I went to my physical today, the doctor said I grew 5 inches!

457 upvotes

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I recently found some bondage porn under my son's bed, so I asked my husband what I should do about it. NSFW

422 upvotes

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Nearly 1000 years had passed since the people of Earth had sent that first message to an extraterrestrial civilisation detected in a distant arm of the galaxy — “Greetings, we offer friendship.”

418 upvotes

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Every morning I fill the coffee pot up for MAX.

416 upvotes

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I met a bitter Christian man who kept quoting Bible verses to everyone he disliked.

411 upvotes

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I have finally given up my video game , alcohol and drug addictions

409 upvotes

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I had a friend who died of autoerotic asphyxiation.

396 upvotes

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Being able to find humour in the dark and even horrific is often called gallows humour.

384 upvotes

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A Mexican, a Jew, a black man, a midget and a priest walk into a bar.

378 upvotes

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I think my sister has lost her mind, she's begun to eat crackers for breakfast.

333 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
So I went to my physical today, the doctor said I grew 5 inches!	457
I recently found some bondage porn under my son's bed, so I asked my husband what I should do about it. NSFW	422
Nearly 1000 years had passed since the people of Earth had sent that first message to an extraterrestrial civilisation detected in a distant arm of the galaxy — “Greetings, we offer friendship.”	418
Every morning I fill the coffee pot up for MAX.	416
I met a bitter Christian man who kept quoting Bible verses to everyone he disliked.	411
I have finally given up my video game , alcohol and drug addictions	409
I had a friend who died of autoerotic asphyxiation.	396
Being able to find humour in the dark and even horrific is often called gallows humour.	384
A Mexican, a Jew, a black man, a midget and a priest walk into a bar.	378
I think my sister has lost her mind, she's begun to eat crackers for breakfast.	333